When people talk about loneliness, it’s often assumed they’re talking about being alone.
But for many older people, loneliness can stem from something much simpler: not having anyone to talk to about the things that matter to them.
That’s a reality Auckland community volunteer and funeral celebrant Timothy Giles sees regularly through his work supporting people navigating loss, change and life’s big decisions.
In addition to being a funeral celebrant, Giles volunteers for the group “Death without Debt” and hosts a podcast, ‘At a Loss’ which is a recording of people he’s met who have gone through challenging grief, and how they have managed this.
Last year, Giles was asked if he would like to run a Death Café at a local library. Death Café is a space where people come to talk about topics from sharing about grief to listening for practical ideas regarding end-of-life planning. Giles says that for most people who attend, it is a space for them to discuss about death, which family members or friends might not be ready to talk about yet.
His idea was creating a community initiative where people will come to lead it themselves. While people initially come for a particular topic, what keeps them returning is the sense of connection they find with others. “It’s become a little community now,” he says.
Timothy Giles and Alison Derbyshire, foundation member and matriarch
“Death cafe is wonderful, we get to have the conversations others won’t let us have.” – Alison Derbyshire
Empowerment through sharing
The group attracts people from a range of backgrounds and life experiences. What they have in common is a desire to talk openly, share experiences and be heard without judgement.
For Giles, one of the most rewarding things has been watching people grow in confidence over time.
“Someone comes along with something they’re struggling with, and a few months later they’re sharing what they’ve learned and helping someone else,” he says.
The support isn’t formal counselling, it’s simply the reassurance that comes from hearing someone else say, “I know that place. I’ve been there too.”
“I know that place. I’ve been there too.”
The simple things that count
Meaningful relationships don’t always start with deep conversations or organised programmes. Often, they begin with regular, everyday interactions where people feel welcome, valued and included.
Whether it’s joining a local group, volunteering, attending a community event, visiting a library programme or simply catching up with neighbours, these connections help create a sense of belonging and purpose.
Sometimes all it takes is a conversation.
For more information on Timothy Giles and the Death Café, you can go to – ataloss.nz
For more on Age Concern social connection programmes, you can go to our website or contact an Age Concern near you for activities in your area.
Timothy Giles works as a funeral celebrant in Auckland, has experience with counselling, group coaching, and support.
