Making everyday decisions
Every day, we make decisions. Some are small and barely noticed, others life-shaping and complex.
As adults, we assume the right to make our own choices, and rightly so. Planning for the future can be particularly challenging because we can’t always predict how our circumstances, relationships, or health might change. As we age, there can be added pressure, with others sometimes stepping in to influence, or even control our decisions. It’s important to remember that getting older does not reduce our rights or independence.
Consider Ruth’s experience, who wanted to support her daughter through a tough time. Without clear boundaries or an agreed end point, Ruth found herself sacrificing her own wellbeing to avoid conflict. This is not an uncommon story. It highlights how easily good intentions and love can lead to decisions that have unintended consequences.
Financial and psychological elder abuse can be subtle and gradual. Financial abuse might involve pressure to lend money, sign
guarantees, or make significant financial sacrifices without clear agreements.
Psychological abuse often includes manipulation, guilt, intimidation, or the threat of withdrawal of affection or contact. Both can lead to long-term impacts such as financial insecurity, loss of independence, anxiety, depression, and a deep loss of trust in
relationships.
Ruth’s story: When support becomes a strain
Ruth thought she was being helpful when her daughter lost her job and needed money to keep paying the rent on her flat. She gave the money each month to ensure her daughter did not get into arrears, even though this soon meant Ruth had to limit her own groceries and stopped going out herself.
Nothing was ever agreed about how long it would go on for, when it would end or whether it could be reviewed. Ruth didn’t want to make a fuss or say anything to upset her volatile daughter who would not talk to her mother for weeks after an argument. Her daughter was relieved to keep the same flat, so she didn’t consider how it was affecting her mother.
What can we do?
Before commiting to decisions, especially those involving money, housing, or long-term obligations, it’s essential to pause. Talk things through with everyone involved. Make expectations clear. Discuss both the immediate and future impacts, and consider what might happen if things don’t go as planned.
Importantly, don’t keep significant decisions secret. Bringing in trusted friends, family members, or independent advisors can provide perspective and help identify risks you might not have considered.
Preventing elder abuse is a shared responsibility. When more people take the step, whether it’s taking time to consider what you’re actually asking of another person, having open conversations about expectations and limits, or taking the time to listen, we reduce the risk of placing unfair burdens on older people and help create safer communities for everyone
A common misunderstanding
Some people think an Enduring Power of Attorney gives them the right to make decisions for an older person. In reality, an Enduring Power of Attorney is there to support, not replace, the older person’s choices and best interests.
Read more about Enduring Power of Attorney here.
